Saturday, December 10, 2011

Saturday Sample Excerpt and the reveal for the Name that Character contest

Welcome! This post has a dual purpose. It is this week's Sweet Saturday Sample (click here for the rest of them). The second intent is to reveal of the winning character names for those who participated in the "Name the Character" contest past this week.

This is a very rough bit of a new short story still being written. Please excuse any typos.

~~~


"The red one is mine," he said.

I didn’t raise my head although instinct urged me to look up. Father had called me Red. He said I was born screaming, skin deep maroon like the beets in the garden and hair fiery orange like the sun. The man who spoke was not my father.

Arrogant in his size and superior mass, his eyes picked me out of the writhing mass of captives. I glanced at him from beneath my cloak’s hood. Early morning sunlight glinted off plain armor and an unadorned helm, yet the unwashed barbarians treated him with the respect due a commander.

The crowd of women around me parted for the soldier fulfilling his order. Mothers moved back with babes in their arms, toddlers clinging to their skirts. Panicked fingers clutched older children’s hands or shoulders. A living mass, their voices silenced by the army hemming them in. Their faces spoke eloquently of their fear.

The soldier, smelling of sweat and sour wine, grabbed my left arm and dragged me out from among them. I didn’t want to incur harm on the women around us. I allowed him to pull me toward the commander with only minimal resistance.

Once free of the captives, however, I pulled from the man’s grip in an attempt to run. Three pairs of rough hands lay hold of my arms before I managed more than three steps. The stench of their unclean bodies turned my stomach. I gagged as I fought them. They dragged me through the dust and dumped me at his feet.
I struggled to my feet only to be brought down again. Pressure behind my knees forced me to kneel.

I lifted my face to glare at the commander.

“Remove her hood.”

Someone pulled my cloak half off me in his enthusiasm. Red curls fell free in a wild mass about my shoulders.

Silently I cursed the color. If only I had been blessed with plain brown or even blond tresses, I could have hidden in plain sight.

“My Lady Brielle Solarius, I presume.”

~~~

Have I hooked you?

The winners (Aly Mae and Joanna Gommesen) will get an email soon regarding their prize.
Thank you, ladies, for a great name for my heroine. 
"God is my might" and "of the sun" are perfect descriptions.
Also, thank you, Abigail, for making me look at Brielle twice.

Thank you all for stopping by. I hope you are enjoying you holiday season. 
Remember e-books make great gifts. ;)


13 comments:

Joselyn Vaughn said...

Great excerpt. Hope you continue to pursue it

Elaine Cantrell said...

I like her. She's got spunk.

Sandy Nachlinger said...

Yep, I'm definitely hooked! Why is Brielle being held captive? Who's her rescuer -- if that's what he is!? And since she doesn't know him, how does he know her name? Terrific excerpt.

Lindsay said...

The twist at the end is fantastic.

Beth Trissel said...

I like this! Keep going with it. Very interesting.

Sherry Gloag said...

I have the same questions as Sandy, but also wonder why she tried to break away when she'd just said she didn't want to put the other women at risk.
And yes, you have me hooked!

Zanna Grace said...

Here's a book idea for you, if you want:
Reyna crept through the shadows, her goal: the northern gate. She had been imprisoned with many other women in an old musty house that kept slaves until they were bought. Reyna carefully kept to the shadows, trying not to draw attention to herself. It was close to midnight and the only reason why Reyna had crept free was because of a guard who become drunk on duty.
I will come back, Reyna silently vowed, I will come back and free you all.
You can use this if you want.
I can't really, I'm not good at stories :)

Rachel Rossano said...

Thank you, everyone. Those are great questions, Sandy and Sherry. I will make sure to answer them. :)

Zanna Grace, I wouldn't be so sure that you couldn't write the story. It sounds like you have a great beginning idea. It just needs expanding. You should try it. :) I recall thinking that you had a lot of potential with your opening line contest entry. :)

Zanna Grace said...

Is there a way I can stay in contact with you while I work on this one book I'm trying to write?
It would be nice to have some input on it :)
Thank you for your time!

Rachel Rossano said...

Of course, Zanna Grace. :) There is an email link on my profile page. I would love to hear how it is going and read what you write. :)

The Director said...

I think what you did with that opening line was pure brilliance. Couldn't have done better :D

And yes, I'm SO hooked! Can't wait to read the whole thing!

(And I'm really glad you went with Brielle <3)

Kristy K. James said...

I think it sounds like a very interesting book! I can think of a couple of ways it will go...and I want to know which way you choose! I hope you'll let me know when it's finished! :)

Rachel Rossano said...

Thank you, Abigail (The Director). I am glad I did it justice. It is such a great line. :) Thanks for giving it to me.

I am delighted you like Brielle. I love it too. She definitely seems happy with it too.

Thank you, Kristy. I will definitely keep you updated. I am eager to spend time with the story, but lately all of my editing and writing have been stalled due to sickness and the holidays. Hopefully I will be back on track soon.