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  • Rachel Rossano

Writing Realistic Men

Men are different than women. Before you throw up your hands and walk away, give me a chance to explain myself. Since most romance authors are women, there is a trend of not keeping this fact in mind while we females (yes, I am just as guilty) write out our long and complicated narratives. Although both genres are of the same species, created in God’s image and very similar in many ways, we are also very different. Physical differences aside, because they are very obvious, here are some basic things that I have noticed about the way men interact with the world.

According to one study, most women tend to talk more than the average guy. More studies since have contradicted that. Regardless of how many words men use, their choice of topics is usually vastly different than the general female population.

Guys don’t tend to share their feelings. Although they do discuss things like relationships and such, they tend to not discuss them as frequently or as thoroughly as women. Relationship discussions are rare and brief.

The males I know, interact with and observe, tend to be more literal than my female friends. If he says he likes something, he isn’t hinting at something else. Their spoken observations usually mean exactly what they say without subliminal messages.

Men tend to be more active. They frequently show their affections and intentions by action more than words. In general, they need to move, and they need purpose.

Men can equate their work with their worth. That is why many men grow depressed and struggle with their identity when they lose their job or are removed from work they care about deeply.

The male ego is very different than the female ego. They will do things for the sake of it that seem to make no sense to women. It’s not easy to explain, and this article isn’t long enough to contain a complete exploration of it. Instead, I would suggest you pay attention and observe and come to your own conclusions.

Men are visual creatures. What they see, especially aspects of a female form, sticks in their heads for a very long time.

They rely on logic more than the typical woman. Also, they tend to distance themselves from the emotions they feel when it comes to decision-making.

Part of the process of writing realistic male characters is accounting for the above. Now, there are manly men out there who defy every generalization I have listed above, so don’t take them as absolutes. The beauty of the way God created us is the variation and variety displayed while keeping true to the master template.

A general practice I recommend is that female authors spending time observing, listening to, and trying to understand the men in their lives. Become students of the other gender, but not in a romantic sense. If you have someone you trust, ask them to read your work and offer feedback.

Have I missed something? Do you have an observation to add? Remember to keep it positive and encouraging.


Rachel Rossano loves adventuring into the unknown on the page. A ravenous reader, she loves words and the wonderful ways they can be used to create worlds and people them. She would love to have you join her on these adventures or just chat about the journeys you have already taken. You can find her work on Amazon or other booksellers. For a more personal experience feel free to visit her Facebook page or tag her on Twitter (though she is usually slow on tweeting back).

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